I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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