I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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