You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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