First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
