if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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