I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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