just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
