You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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