Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
