i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
