Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think people are normalizing furries
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
