Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
