worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
