Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
