he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smell like Dick and happiness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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