fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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