he shaved USA in his pubs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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