took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
