No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
