I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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