so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
