just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
