Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
