While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you would pick up someone in the library
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize