I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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