Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
