Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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