They should really pass out barf bags in church
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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