the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
