I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
