Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
