I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
