i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
