I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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