i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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