Got a toothbrush?
youre lurking in front of me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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