woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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