I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
