What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
