In the future we'll all be gay
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
