She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
