Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
