Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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