I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
