He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
