The beer is more important than you right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
