when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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