yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
