First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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