Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
