How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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