Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize