sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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