At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
