Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize