Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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