theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
