He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize