I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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