Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
