She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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