Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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