he thought i was a dude.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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